Cream always rises to the top!

                                                 Cream always rises to the top!                  

Maryanne Williamson famously wrote, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” This has always been my mantra, my war cry, as I forge ahead in life and look to no human being for approval or acceptance. The sad thing however is that we pass these negative, “I cannot do this or that” attitude unto our children and this must stop. What are your fears? Why are you not trying to “be all you can be”, as the United States Army suggests?   I am happy to report that at this moment in time, I am a true believer in the abilities of Ms. Sandy Daley, and most importantly, I also try to encourage others around  me to shine.

This confidence that I have finally attained (notice that I said confidence, not cockiness), not only apply to my work, but also manifest itself in my intimate relationships. I am comfortable standing on a stage handing out awards in front of thousands, and I am also confident in a one on one situation with the opposite sex-although still happily unmarried.  Although statistics show that the percentage of black people marrying is more than it has been since the late 1970’s, the overall average of black women who will remain unmarried is staggering. According to the stats, at least 45% of black women are unmarried and the numbers are even higher if you are a successful black woman. Many things can be attributed to this study, as not only do black women outnumber black men, but many black men are incarcerated, already married, gay, or have married outside of their own race. Many guys however, would state that black women are too “bitter”, are always fussing, and set their standards too high. When polled, black men also state that they are then turned off from dating black women or even marrying them. “Black women are too strong-willed, too stubborn, negative and too argumentative,” a friend of mine said recently. “If only you guys could be a little bit more feminine, and not as fussy, we would marry you.”  As I listened to this crock of baloney that Donovan (of course not his real name), was spewing, I calmed myself and thought about what to say-before I answered him. I tend to agree with some of the things that he was saying, but still believed that he needed to be corrected on a few. As I have known him for many years, and wanted to keep him as a friend, I chose my words carefully. His ignorance was nauseating, but I wanted to help him out at this point.

“If it was not for the “strength” of the black woman, which you so despise, your children, that perhaps not you, but a lot of your “brothas” have neglected, would be on the streets or in foster care,” I started off by saying. “The fact that we have had to take care for your children, financially and emotionally, should be seen as something to be honored, respected and praised by you. Our strength also allows us NOT to take the easy road, as many of you have done,” I finished off by saying. I think I let him off very easily here my friends, as my tongue is like a whip, able to snap anyone back into their position: very, very quickly.

With that said, remain open hearted, and able to love others. This includes everyone around you, even your enemies. Difficult as this may be, it is doable, as your goal is not become a naysayer or waste your time focusing on others. Your goal is to rise to the top through hard work, focus and a resolute stance. Be childlike and live with a kind heart, as your rewards will be abundant. The painful situations that many of us have had to endure, have seemingly robbed us of many things, including care and love for our fellow man, and also love for ourselves. Many of us are downtrodden, tired and weary, and have given up on our dreams and aspirations, and are now shadows of what we could have been. We have given up on ourselves, and “play small” in order to fit in with others, and end up living an unfulfilled life. We tear others down in order for us not to feel “less than” and in so doing, allow the Donovan’s of this world to call us bitter, fussy or even unattractive- because of our attitudes.

Ladies, play small to no human being, as at the end of the day, only God can be your judge or jury. Trust me, with this newfound behaviour and attitude, the Donovan’s of this world (misguided as they may be at times), will have no choice but to say, “Baby, you are certainly my chocolate cream!” Being confident, self-assured, focused and with no negative attitude, will allow your potential mate to see the real you, and not your representative.