According to the Statistics, sixty percent of black women have either never married or are divorced. Yikes! What should I and my single girlfriends attribute our dire situation to? Lack of good men? No, there are good men still out there it is believed. No time? No, we find the time to do whatever is necessary, even with our hectic schedules. A low sex drive? No, most women, including myself, are vibrant human beings with the stamina of a 25 year old young woman. So then, what was the real reason? Why are women not taking the bull by the horn and dating more to find that special person? Why is it that my yoga mat has seemingly replaced a desire for Mr. Right my life?
Like some women, I can be seen running on the streets frantically, or burning rubber on Highway 401, (cursing everyone in my way of course, even someone in a wheelchair that I almost ran over), as I rushed to catch my yoga class.To be fair to myself in that situation, I must say that the lady in the wheelchair came out of nowhere on the King Street. It was like she was driving a sports car or something! Ninety minutes of hot yoga torture, almost the exact amount of time for lovemaking, (foreplay not included of course). Of course the benefits are amazing to the overall look of the body, but what are tight, leaned, toned arms and a rounded rear- end if no one is there to appreciate your hard work? The ability to place one’s legs over one’s head does not come in handy in the office and surely goes wasted.
Of course I have become the butt of all my girlfriends’ jokes. “Sandy, u a go to your yoga again?” Yu no fraid seh u brok yu darn neck gal?” they ask Needless to say, their point hits home but an admission of guilt from me is never going to be done.“You guys are just jealous. You wish that you had my skills,” I often reply. Being able to perform the, “downward dog,” a popular yoga move which instructs you to put both hands and feet on the floor while pushing back with your legs and derriere in the air, easily achieved by me, surely cannot possible be accomplished by them I rationalize to myself.
It appears that a lot of successful women, do not make their relationships a priority: no time for love. Unless we change our daily routines and make time for love, our love lives will forever remain unfulfilled. You will forever be in your living rooms, alone, wondering why your girlfriends, some with bad credit, bad hair and wrinkled bodies , have husbands and you do not. Why you are not the one fighting with your man for the remote control or scolding him about leaving the toilet seat up. Again! How many times do you have to fall into the toilet, filled with water, before he listens? Aww,The joys of married life!
Hot yoga, fulfilling as it is for the 90 minutes, cannot replace the love of a good man. I, like all other over- achievers, must tackle the problem head on and stop the escapism: be it hot yoga, like mine. Escapism rears it’s ugly head in many forms and often consumes your thoughts and every action. Figure out what is yours and what you are running from . Hopefully soon I will be able to say, Namasta! (Yoga terminology which means I give you my light), to my lover instead of to a sweaty yoga mat, a really tanned instructor and strangers in tiny bikinis, and even tinier see-through Speedos.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Play De Fool to Ketch Wise
Playing Dumb to Keep Your Man!
They say that a smart woman rules the home but makes her man believe that he is the King of his castle. A woman’s job, people say, is to be smart enough to know when to take a backseat, while allowed the while being the driver of the car. She must allow her partner to make his mistakes, and when he is ready and willing, he will do as she desires. Her role, they say, is to make her man feel wanted, loved, admired and respected, all without emasculating him in the process. How tiring! Who really has the time for all that work, plus all the other things that one has to take care of? Certainly not me! Then again, maybe that is why I single with no one by my side.
Women are expected to care for the kids, maintain a clean home, bring home the bacon, and at the same time look like Halle Berry and Beyonce combined. The last time I checked, Wonder Woman was the last Superwoman, and she was a fictional character, cultivated from someone’s imaginary mind. The funny thing though is that many women, including myself, try to live up to these unreasonable expectations. I cannot tell you the amount of times that I jumped out of bed at 7 am to prepare my ex-husband’s ham sandwich for lunch for the day, or pack him a lunch container from the previous night’s dinner. This, of course, was after making passionate love to him in the morning before his day began. Gosh, he was a lucky man! Why did we break up again? Oh I remember now, he cheated on me with the pretty little Pilipino girl at work, while getting all the loving at home as well. How could I have ever forgotten? I am not saying that all men cheat, because trust me, I really do not believe that, but he did, so I left!
I, of course would also get the kids ready for school, work full-time, visit the gym regularly and still take care of the home. This cycle continued on for years in my household. I am positive I am not the only woman who has done this type of crazy, I am Superwoman, hear me roar, utter madness. To make matters worse, I was not allowed to take full credit for all my work, and to this day my ex still maintains the position that he held our family together for years. What a bunch of crock! I am so happy that I do not have to feed his ego anymore. ‘Let little Miss Pilipino take over the work of cooking, cleaning, feeding his ego,” I said to myself. “It was time for me to bust loose from my chains,” I thought
My nickname for him was, and still is, “Captain of the Ship, master of nothing.” I remember him very vividly saying to me on many occasions, “Sandy, yu no think yu should tell Shane and Warren, (our two boys), to use a coaster on the centre table?” he would ask. Why could he not tell them I thought to myself back then? Was I the only parent in the house? He was truly not a bad person and we are very to this day, much to the chagrin of his current wife. The lady has self esteem issues, what else can I say? In my mind, his current wife is now his court jester. The baton has been passed to her and passed willingly by me!
The thought of me continuously feeding my ex-husband’s ego on a daily basis really got to me and so I felt compelled to leave. Coupled with the fact that he of course stepped out of our relationship. Am I the only one who sees the injustice and unfairness in this? Why do women have to in turn play the fool to keep their man happy and his ego intact? Maybe this is why I am unmarried and still very single!
Maybe one of these days I will learn to play de fool in order to keep my man! Not yet! I am not ready for that as yet!
They say that a smart woman rules the home but makes her man believe that he is the King of his castle. A woman’s job, people say, is to be smart enough to know when to take a backseat, while allowed the while being the driver of the car. She must allow her partner to make his mistakes, and when he is ready and willing, he will do as she desires. Her role, they say, is to make her man feel wanted, loved, admired and respected, all without emasculating him in the process. How tiring! Who really has the time for all that work, plus all the other things that one has to take care of? Certainly not me! Then again, maybe that is why I single with no one by my side.
Women are expected to care for the kids, maintain a clean home, bring home the bacon, and at the same time look like Halle Berry and Beyonce combined. The last time I checked, Wonder Woman was the last Superwoman, and she was a fictional character, cultivated from someone’s imaginary mind. The funny thing though is that many women, including myself, try to live up to these unreasonable expectations. I cannot tell you the amount of times that I jumped out of bed at 7 am to prepare my ex-husband’s ham sandwich for lunch for the day, or pack him a lunch container from the previous night’s dinner. This, of course, was after making passionate love to him in the morning before his day began. Gosh, he was a lucky man! Why did we break up again? Oh I remember now, he cheated on me with the pretty little Pilipino girl at work, while getting all the loving at home as well. How could I have ever forgotten? I am not saying that all men cheat, because trust me, I really do not believe that, but he did, so I left!
I, of course would also get the kids ready for school, work full-time, visit the gym regularly and still take care of the home. This cycle continued on for years in my household. I am positive I am not the only woman who has done this type of crazy, I am Superwoman, hear me roar, utter madness. To make matters worse, I was not allowed to take full credit for all my work, and to this day my ex still maintains the position that he held our family together for years. What a bunch of crock! I am so happy that I do not have to feed his ego anymore. ‘Let little Miss Pilipino take over the work of cooking, cleaning, feeding his ego,” I said to myself. “It was time for me to bust loose from my chains,” I thought
My nickname for him was, and still is, “Captain of the Ship, master of nothing.” I remember him very vividly saying to me on many occasions, “Sandy, yu no think yu should tell Shane and Warren, (our two boys), to use a coaster on the centre table?” he would ask. Why could he not tell them I thought to myself back then? Was I the only parent in the house? He was truly not a bad person and we are very to this day, much to the chagrin of his current wife. The lady has self esteem issues, what else can I say? In my mind, his current wife is now his court jester. The baton has been passed to her and passed willingly by me!
The thought of me continuously feeding my ex-husband’s ego on a daily basis really got to me and so I felt compelled to leave. Coupled with the fact that he of course stepped out of our relationship. Am I the only one who sees the injustice and unfairness in this? Why do women have to in turn play the fool to keep their man happy and his ego intact? Maybe this is why I am unmarried and still very single!
Maybe one of these days I will learn to play de fool in order to keep my man! Not yet! I am not ready for that as yet!
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