Lock my legs: but open up my heart!

My Resolution for 2012: Lock my legs, but open up my heart! Okay, so it is a new year, and like the rest of the world, I have decided to make some specific changes in my life. One such change was to finally say "yes" to a man, and Dear Lord do I say it, become a wife to some lucky fella. No, it is not the alcohol that is still in my system, or the alcohol-laced rum cake still in my belly talking, it is just that I have matured and have finally become a woman. However, over the last few years, the state of “black love” and the “single black, bitter female,” has come to the forefront with such movies as, “Waiting to Exhale” and “For colored girls who have considered suicide when the rainbow is enuf”, makes me doubt that I, Ms. Sandy Daley will ever find love. Never before has there been such a microscopic eye focused on our relationships, as young women, previously repressed and afraid to discuss what ails them are finally beginning to open up and tackle the elephant in the room. Why are so many black women unmarried and without a steady partner by their side? Specifically, why do so many strong independent black women, remain unmarried and find it difficult to find love? Do black men feel inferior to strong black women? Will 2012 be the year to change our thoughts and come together in unison, as God intended? Although statistics show that the percentage of black people marrying is more than it has been since the late 1970’s, the overall average of black women who will remain unmarried is staggering, if not frightening. According to the statistics, at least 45% of black women are unmarried and the numbers are even higher if you are a successful black woman. Many things can be attributed to this study, as not only do black women outnumber black men, but many black men are incarcerated, already married, gay, or have married outside of their own race. Many guys however, would state that black women are too “bitter”, are always fussing and set their standards too high, and so they are then turned off from dating black women or even marrying them. “Black women are too strong-willed, too stubborn and too argumentative,” I heard a friend of mine say recently. “If only you guys could be a little bit more feminine, and not as fussy, we would marry you.” As I listened to this crock of baloney that Donovan (of course not his real name), was spewing out of his mouth to me, I calmed myself and really thought about what I had to say, before I answered him. As I have known him for awhile, and wanted to keep him as a friend, I chose my words carefully and tried not to chew him by the balls too much. His ignorance was nauseating, but I wanted to help him out at this point. “If it was not for the “strength” of the black woman, which you so despise, your children, that perhaps not you, but a lot of your brothas have neglected, would not be anywhere and would in the hands of the government system,” I started off by saying. “The fact that we have had to take care of your children, care for them financially and emotionally, should be seen as something that is honored, respected and praised by you. Our strength also allows us to not take the easy road, as many of you have done. We lift ourselves up by the bootstraps, go back to school, become professionals in whatever career we chose, and are able to be an example to our children of what you can do if you are determined. Do not use our strength against us, as we are shining examples to the world”, I finished off by saying. I think I let him off easy, don’t you? To all the strong black women, I encourage you to hold onto the strength that you were born with, and also attained because of your struggles. With that said, remain open hearted, and able to love, as one bad apple does not spoil the whole bunch. Out there somewhere is your prince charming, maybe not on a white horse and with the best of credit, but with a heart to love you, your weaknesses and also your strengths. He will look you in the eye and say, “Baby, where have you been all my life, as I could have used your support by my side a long time ago”, as one man’s trash is another man’s treasure. The bitter black woman should never be used to describe you, as you are still a young girl at heart. Hopefully by the end of this year, I will be sending out pink-glossy invitations to my oh-so-fab wedding in the Caribbean to hundreds of folks, you included as well, and not sitting here, writing sappy love journals to total strangers asking you, "Really, do you consider me to be a bitter black woman? Is that why I still don't have a man?" Pray for me people!