Slim Pickings? Or too many men to Choose From?

Slim pickings, or too many men to pick from? Over the last few years, the state of “black love” and the “single black, bitter female,” has come to the forefront with such movies as, “Waiting to Exhale” and “For colored girls who have considered suicide when the rainbow is enuf”. Never before has there been such a microscopic eye focused on our relationships, as young women, previously repressed and afraid to discuss what ails them, are finally beginning to open up and tackle the elephant in the room. Why are so many black women unmarried and without a steady partner by their side? Specifically, why do so many strong independent black women, remain unmarried and find it difficult to find love? Is it because we have nothing choose from or do we have too many to choose from; so therefore we hesitate to choose? Although statistics show that the percentage of black people marrying is more than it has been since the late 1970’s, the overall average of black women who will remain unmarried is staggering, if not frightening. According to the statistics, at least 45% of black women are unmarried and the numbers are even higher if you are a successful black woman. Many things can be attributed to this study, as not only do black women outnumber black men, but many black men are incarcerated, already married, gay, or have married outside of their own race. Many guys however, would state that black women are too “bitter”, are always fussing and set their standards too high, and so they are then turned off from dating black women or even marrying them. “Black women are too strong-willed, too stubborn and too argumentative,” I heard a friend of mine say recently. “If only you guys could be a little bit more feminine, and not as fussy, we would marry you.” As I listened to this crock of baloney that Donovan (of course not his real name), was spewing out of his mouth to me, I calmed myself and really thought about the answer before I gave it to him. “So tell me something”, I asked him. Why are you single? You being a black man should never, ever be single, as you have too many women to choose from. What is your issue,” I asked. That of course shut him up immediately! Unfortunately, he has not spoken to me since then. Oh well! Women need to understand and take full control of their love lives. The pickings might be little to non-existent, but we should remain open-hearted, and able to love, as one bad apple does not spoil the whole bunch. Sometimes however, we do wait too long to make up our minds, or even go after the man that we really want and desire. This should not be the case, as really “life is short” as they say, and we have to seize the moment. “Get excited about your life” is what Dr. Phil from the Dr. Phil show would inspire you to do, and I agree with that 100%. Out there somewhere is your prince charming, maybe not on a white horse and with the best of credit, but with a heart to love you, your weaknesses and also your strengths. He will look you in the eye and say, “Baby, where have you been all my life, as I could have used your support by my side a long time ago”, as one man’s trash is another man’s treasure. The bitter black woman should never be used to describe you, as you are still a young girl at heart. I am barely sixteen in my mind!